Fighting God

If I was the author of my life's script then I would surely construct an disastrous plot.

There are so many times when I rip the pen away from Him, take it into my own hands, and write out what I want to happen.There are plenty of times when I find myself arguing with God and His plan. It just does not make sense to my human mind. I want things to happen my way, right now. I want the life I have always dreamed of,with no exceptions added. How selfish am I to think that God owes me anything. I am a sinner who deserves eternity in hell, but it is by His grace that I am saved. But, I still get frustrated.

I was reading the in the New Testament, Luke Chapter,4:1428, where Jesus taught a sermon on Elisha the Prophet. His statements about prophets sent the crowd into a frenzy, so bad that they wanted to throw him off a cliff. Scripture says, "All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this."They got up, drove him out of the town, and took him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw him down the cliff. But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way.(Luke 4:14)" What happened in this situation? The crowd did not accept what Jesus was saying, so they wanted to kill him because of His truths. As a result,Jesus walked away. That is what He does each and every time we fight with Him and argue with His plan. He stays silent. He is not a God who answers to our anger. He will walk away. Oh, He will always come back, but He will not hesitate to show us our place. I picture Him saying: Child, you are not listening to Me. And that is just what we aren't doing: listening. It can be very difficult when you have people around you who seem to be getting everything they want, and you seem to be stuck in this idle mode. It reminds me of James 4, which says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." How many of us can relate to that? We fight with not only God, but ourselves because what we want is not aligned with the plan He has for our individual lives. I have asked God for things that I know were only for selfish gain.

Who enjoys discipline or rejection? Not me! But I have had to go through it to get stronger. There are people who have made their way into my life, and I would ask God how long would they be in my life, not even thanking him for the people who have been in my life for so long in the first place. Yesterday was my 20Th birthday, and every birthday the first two people to wish me a happy birthday were my parents. Before she called me, my mother sent me a beautiful text message, which basically told me how proud she was of me. Forgetting my birthday, I cried. I balled my eyes out because it made me realize who I am living for. God shows His love to me in many ways, and one way I believe He has showed it to me is through my parents. They have sacrificed so much for me, from having to be homeless without a dime, to selling a business that was going bankrupt. And what was I doing? Worrying about my social life, worrying about my future, worrying if I would ever fall in love, and other petty things. I am alive because there have been stronger people before me to set the pace. I am alive because God did not leave me in that broken place of depression. I am not the ideal woman, I do not have the best body, face, any of that. I am a quiet person,who expresses emotions through words. Because of that, people take me for granted.

For so long I was angry with God. WHY DID YOU MAKE ME THIS WAY??, I would always ask Him. I cried and cried over these things.I still cry over these things. But slowly I became to realize that I was made in His image, for an unseen purpose. I can't see what is ahead, I can only hope and pray. But I refuse to fight. I can win against Satan, trample a demon, destroy a temptation, but I am not strong enough to win a battle against the Great, Almighty One.